Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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