You smell like a Billy Joel song
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
tell me about the fingering
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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