i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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