Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
