Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
