ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
