i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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