If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
