Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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