Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
