I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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