i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
