and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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