Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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