omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
