her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
