I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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