just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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