does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
