My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
