Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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