sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
