I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
