My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
