YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
