Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
