I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
