i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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