normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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