When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
And then he peed in my hair
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