I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
