My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
