even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
