Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
