so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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