dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
