he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
