after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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