it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
