my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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