how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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