I CAN MOONWALK!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize