I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
