I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize