i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize