Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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