This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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