hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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