i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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