I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
