You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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