Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
