i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
