he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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