I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
