i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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