VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
