Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
