people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
