Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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