I faked an abortion last night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
