This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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