i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
