every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
