Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
