please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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