Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
