i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
