i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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