Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she woke up with a sticky ear
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
