im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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