why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
